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Posted originally on the
Archive of Our Own
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http://archiveofourown.org/works/686560.
Rating:
Archive Warning:
Category:
Fandom:
Relationship:
Character:
Explicit
No Archive Warnings Apply
M/M, F/F
Supernatural
Anna Milton/Dean Winchester, Jo Harvelle/Anna Milton, Gabriel/Sam
Winchester, Michael/Adam Milligan, Castiel/Dean Winchester
Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, John Winchester, Castiel,
Gabriel (Supernatural), Michael (Supernatural), Adam Milligan, Jo
Harvelle, Anna Milton, Becky Rosen, Meg Masters
Unplanned Pregnancy, Mpreg, Drunk Sex, Homophobia, Internalized
Homophobia, Pregnant Sex, Infidelity, Bottom Castiel
Part 1 of
The Seeds of Love Verse
Published: 2013-02-16 Words: 48755
Additional Tags:
Series:
Stats:
Sowing The Seeds
by
bellacatbee
Summary
Dean Winchester is getting married.
He should be happy, but things are a little more complicated than that. For one thing he
woke up in bed with his best friend Castiel the morning after he proposed, instead of in
bed with Anna, his girlfriend. And for another, they didn't use protection.
Dean should be happy that he's getting married, but he's more excited about the life he
can't have with Castiel and the baby Castiel is carrying.
Notes
Thank you so much to my amazing beta Casness and my equally amazing artist silly_blue.
It's been a complete pleasure working with both of you to complete this.
The title is taken from the Tears for Fears song of the same name. There is a line in the
song, "Time to eat all your words//Swallow your pride//Open your eyes", which I felt
summed up Dean in this story perfectly.
The following post contains NSFW art.
“Where
am I?”
That was Dean’s first thought.
“And
who am I with?”
was the second one.
He was aware of a warm, heavy weight lying pillowed up against him and equally aware that that
weight was naked and, if the hard-on pressing against his leg was any indication, that weight was
also a guy. This wasn’t all that strange. Dean had woken up naked with guys before after nights of
drinking. Normally it was some hilarious prank and Gabriel was involved and after a couple of
weeks he found he could laugh about it. A lot of his best stories involved getting drunk and naked.
He rolled over, ready to wake his bed mate up and get a couple of laughs out of the other’s
unexpected morning wood and then find out where Gabriel had hidden his pants this time.
That was his plan at least, but when Dean rolled over he found himself nose to nose with Castiel.
His best friend slumbered on, his face softened in sleep and Dean swallowed hard. Waking up
naked with Castiel wasn’t like waking up naked with any other guy. Dean wasn’t about to shake
him awake and engage in some good natured humiliation. No, Dean was going to try and
untangle himself without waking Castiel, find his clothes and sneak out like a guilty one-night
stand.
Cas was off-limits.
Dean reached down to try and ease Castiel’s leg off his hip, trying to remember exactly what he’d
done the night before instead of acknowledging that now his and Castiel’s cocks were brushing
together and suddenly his own cock was wide awake and ready for use.
He’d proposed to Anna. Dean remembered that. He could remember how nervous he’d been,
how he’d had to talk his speech through to Sam about ten times before he was ready to go. He’d
driven them out to a point overlooking the city, told her she looked beautiful and popped the
question. Anna’s answer had been yes. They’d driven back into the city and gone their separate
ways, Anna to tell her parents and her friends, Dean to Ellen’s bar where his friends were waiting
to congratulate him. That part of the evening he remembered in vivid, butterflies in his stomach
detail.
Everyone had wanted to buy him a drink, Dean remembered that too. Then Jo had started pouring
shots and everything got blurry. He didn’t know how he’d got from the bar to Castiel’s bed or
where everyone else had gone, but he did remember Cas sitting alone in a booth while everyone
else was up at the bar. He remembered Castiel’s sad smile when he told him he was getting
married. He remembered snatches of other things – of words, hot and hurried and unhappy, and
lips on his, the scratch of another man’s stubble on his chin. He remembered a hard, lithe body
writhing under his own, opening to him far more easily than Dean had ever thought it would. He
remembered Cas calling his name, clinging to him. He remembered coming inside his best friend
with a grunt of triumph because Dean had been wanting to do that, to fuck Castiel, since they’d
met and finally everything he’d ever wanted was happening.
“Fuck, Cas,” he hissed, jerking away from Castiel.
Castiel half opened one eye and reached for a pillow, pulling it into his arms to take Dean’s place.
He shook his head stubbornly. “No, Dean. I’m too tired. We did that last night.”
Dean stared at him open mouthed but even as he stared Castiel settled back to sleep, hugging the
pillow tight to his chest. Dean struggled out of the bed, kicking away the blankets that were
suddenly tangled around his legs. He half fell, half stumbled out of the bed and looked around
desperately for his clothes. He grabbed the first set of boxer shorts, realizing with a little frown that
they were Castiel’s but considering what they’d done the night before he wasn’t going to be picky
about sharing underwear with the guy.
He pulled them on, tugging harder than he expected because Cas’s boxers were a size smaller than
his own, wherever those had disappeared to. Once he got back home, away from Cas and this
mess then he’d change into a pair of his own boxers and throw Cas’s away. It wasn’t as if Cas
would miss the miserable, non-descript grey boxers. He probably had hundreds of pairs just like
them. Probably bought them in bulk. That was the sort of thing Cas would do. He wouldn’t wear
his underwear expecting anyone else to ever see it.
Next Dean found his jeans wedged half under the bed and retrieved them. He abandoned his
socks to the floor of Castiel’s bedroom and just reached for his shoes – one of which he found
lying under the jeans and the other one over by the bedroom door. His shirt was draped across the
chest of drawers and his jacket was hanging on the edge of Castiel’s opened closet door, on top of
Castiel’s battered old trench coat. Dean collected everything and dressed as quickly and quietly as
he could.
The last thing he wanted was for Cas to wake up and want to talk to him about last night. Or ask
him why he was leaving.
It was much better to just tiptoe out and let Castiel sleep on.
They’d have to talk about it at some point but not until Dean had had time to think, to put his
thoughts in order and work out what the fuck he’d been thinking the night before. How had he got
from proposing to Anna to fucking Castiel? Yeah, there’d been alcohol involved but Dean didn’t
think his sexual orientation switched just because he’d had a couple of beers. He’d got drunk with
Cas before and managed to avoid falling into bed with him. Anna and Castiel were completely
different people – they might have had wide, bright eyes and shared the same aurora of quiet calm
and they both marched to the beat of their own drum, not tied down to anyone’s opinion of them
but those things were superficial similarities when Dean considered all the ways they weren’t
similar.
Not that he spent a lot of his time cataloguing the differences between his girlfriend and his best
friend. Their differences were plain to see. Anna was artistic and vibrant, Castiel was nerdy and
reclusive. Anna was a painter, Castiel worked for a firm of accountants. And physically Cas was a
guy and Anna was a girl. That was a serious big difference right there. And Dean was attracted to
girls.
Only last night he’d slept with Cas.
Dean shook his head, forcing himself to stop thinking for one moment and actually enact his
escape before Castiel woke up and found him pondering on his bedroom floor, three steps away
from the door and freedom.
Dean glanced back quickly, just to make sure Castiel was still asleep and swallowed hard. Cas
looked a lot softer when he was asleep and a lot younger too, the lines around his eyes softened. If
it weren’t for the five o’clock shadow creeping over his jaw, he’d have looked almost like he did
when Dean first met him. That had been years ago though. Years in which Dean had never
fucked his best friend so what about Castiel last night had made him so damn special, Dean
couldn’t say.
He turned away, quietly turning the door handle and stepping out into the hallway. He shut the
door quickly behind him and cursed Castiel for having wooden flooring in his apartment. With
every step Dean expected a creak but it never came. As he moved down the hallway that
separated Castiel’s bedroom from the rest of the apartment Dean realized he could hearing
snoring. He pressed himself against the wall and peered into the kitchen/living room that made up
the biggest part of the apartment.
Apparently any plans he had of keeping this a secret were well and truly busted.
Not only had he come home with Castiel but apparently so had most of their friends.
Castiel’s brother, Gabriel was sprawled in an easy chair, snoring loudly. His own brother Sam
was slumped over the couch and missing one shoe. Garth was curled up with his thumb in his
mouth, taking up the few inches of couch space not completely occupied by Sam. Ash was asleep
on the floor. Chuck was face-down on the kitchen floor, hugging his coat over him as a makeshift
blanket. Dean was glad Jo hadn’t followed them home from the bar as well. She was tight with
Anna and better at holding her liquor than most of their friends. She’d have noticed Dean crashed
in Castiel’s bedroom instead of with them. Dean tried his best to piece together the puzzled bits of
his memory. Would the others know? He couldn’t remember if he and Cas had broken away from
the pack or if they’d still been with their friends when they’d started whatever it was they’d
started.
Dean swallowed, inching past the group, hugging the wall as he made for the door.
They would have had to be alone, he told himself, otherwise someone would have stopped them.
Sam would have said something. Sam was sensible and Sam didn’t drink as much as everyone
else did. Sam wouldn’t let Dean fuck up the best day of his life by sleeping with his best friend.
Which meant the reason they were all crashed out here probably had more to do with the fact that
Castiel’s apartment was the closest to Ellen’s bar, and that Gabriel had a spare set of keys to all of
his siblings places, rather than because they’d followed Dean and Castiel by choice.
If he was lucky, and Dean seriously hoped he was, then he’d make it out and no one would
remember a damn thing about the night before except for the bits they were supposed to remember
– the part where he and Anna got engaged.
Dean wasn’t throwing away his relationship with her because on an ill-timed, unplanned,
unexpected fuck with Castiel.
Garth mumbled something in his sleep and Dean decided to skip espionage sneaking around and
instead ran for the door, jumping over Ash on the way. He reached the front door, yanked it open
and then let it fall shut behind him. He brushed his fingers over the bulge in his jacket pocket,
checking his baby’s keys were still where he’d left them and then he was running down the stairs
and out onto the street, blending in with the crowd and making his way back towards Ellen’s to
pick up his car and pretend he’d had a good eight hours sleep in his own bed.
**
Castiel awoke with a start.
He stared over at the empty side of the bed and sighed.
He hadn’t expected different but he’d still hoped. That was the problem with love. It caused you
to see even hopeless situations with a silver lining.
Last night had been both the worst and the best night of his life. He’d told Dean everything. A
little too late but he’d still said the words. He’d told Dean he loved him.
His back ached. Everywhere ached. He felt unpleasantly sore.
Dean had been drunk. Castiel shouldn’t have said anything but two or three of Jo’s shots had
loosened his tongue enough to give him to courage to confess. Dean had kissed him first. He’d
kissed him till Castiel stopped talking and then they’d stumbled into a cab and into bed and Dean
hadn’t been gentle, he’d fumbled and fucked Castiel like he’d never been with another guy before.
Too little lube, not enough stretching and even then Castiel hadn’t cared. Maybe Dean hadn’t ever
been with a guy. Still, Castiel had relished the feeling of Dean inside him, filling him, stretching
him wide and driving in deep.
Then Dean had left.
Whatever they’d shared it wasn’t love on Dean’s part, Castiel was certain on that.
He wouldn’t have run off if he thought he’d made the right choice the night before.
Castiel pulled the pillow over his head and willed himself to stop loving Dean.
“Let this be the end of it,” he said out loud, muffled into the pillow. “I don’t love Dean anymore. I
don’t love Dean anymore.”
The words were meaningless. He did love Dean still. He couldn’t just turn off his feelings and
make them go away but he could stop hoping that Dean was going to look around one day and
realize that he was in love with Castiel. Dean had already made his choice and he’d chosen Anna.
Nothing Castel had said or done had changed his mind. Last night had been a mistake.
Castiel threw the pillow away and sat up.
He’d talk to Dean, tell him he realized that sleeping together was just a stupid drunken mistake
and that he’d keep quiet about it. There was no point in wrecking Dean’s happiness over what
amounted to pure spite. If he told Anna, it wouldn’t make Dean love him. The best thing Castiel
could do was just accept that Anna made Dean happy and try to take comfort in that. They could
still be friends. Castiel could deal with just being friends with Dean. He’d been living with just
being friends with Dean since the moment he realized he was in love with Dean. He’d learned a
long time ago that Dean’s friendship was better than not having Dean at all.
They’d talk. Things would be awkward for a little while and then slowly they’d go back to
normal.
But first Castiel would take a shower and wash his sheets. He couldn’t tell himself that he’d be
fine pretending this night never happened when he still had Dean’s come inside him or Dean’s
scent on his sheets. He had to wash away every trace of Dean and start anew.
He’d force himself to fall out of love with Dean. He had to.
It was the only chance he had to be really happy. He had to accept Dean’s friendship and find
someone else. Everything about the night before had to be forgotten. It was the only way forward.
**
The front door banged open. Dean groaned and poured himself another cup of coffee. He’d got
home an hour before, which was plenty of time to grab a shower, get dressed and mess up his bed
to provide proof that he’d been home last night. Then he’d gone down to the kitchen and tried to
get rid of the killer-hang over that was pounding in his head. Two cups of coffee, two drugstore
brand painkillers and a greasy bacon breakfast later, the pounding was still there as was the
swirling mess of guilt clogging up his gut.
Sam stumbled into the kitchen, bypassing Dean completely and heading for the sink. He fumbled
with the cabinet above it, finally grabbing a glass. Turning on the tap, he half filled it with water
and then swallowed it down in three quick gulps. He filled the glass again, turned the tap off and
turned to face Dean.
“Where did you get to last night?” he asked. “I didn’t see you leave.”
“Where do you think I went?” Dean growled, not in the mood for twenty questions, especially if
Sam was fishing for an answer he already knew. “I was here.”
“Huh?” Sam looked surprised. “Well, you missed a great time. After you left Gabriel bought
everyone a round of cocktails - his own invention. Ellen even let him behind the bar to make
them. I don’t know what he put in them but most of the evening after that is a blur. I remember
dancing, then we went to this Greek place Gabriel knows and they fixed us this great meal. We
need to go back there when I’m sober. I had the best salad but it really didn’t mix with that
cocktail of Gabriel’s. We ended up crashing at Cas’s place.” Sam’s smile, which had already been
tugging at his lips as he remembered the night before, grew wide. “You weren’t the only one who
had something to celebrate last night. Cas hooked up with a guy! It was kind of embarrassing
really. We could hear them through the wall. I thought Gabriel was going to throw up.”
“Shut up, Sam! I don’t want to hear about it,” Dean snapped.
Sam frowned, setting his glass down on the side. “Look, I know you’re not completely
comfortable with the fact that Cas is gay but I thought you’d be pleased he met someone. You’re
the one who’s always saying that he needs to get out.”
“I don’t want to hear about it, Sam,” Dean bit out. He didn’t want to know that his little brother
and all his friends had overheard him and Castiel and their drunken mistake. At least Sam hadn’t
been able to identify the guy Castiel had been with; just that he’d been with someone. Dean
doubted his brother would be so gleeful about telling him that Cas had hooked up if he knew it
had been Dean in the bedroom banging him.
Sam fixed him with a disappointed look and then shook his head, going back to sipping his water.
Dean groaned, burying his head in his hands and slumping across the table. Sam was wrong.
Sometimes he wished Sam would just come out and call him homophobic. He wasn’t
homophobic. If he was, he wouldn’t be friends with Castiel in the first place. The whole situation
wasn’t as easy as Sam made it out to be. Right now, Dean didn’t want to hear about Castiel’s sex
life because he was Cas’s sex life. Before that Cas had dated the wrong guys, the bad guys, the
type who’d mess Cas around and break his heart and Dean was sadly now part of that line
because what he’d done last night wasn’t right no matter how he looked at it. Dean was always
saying that Castiel should get out and meet people but he meant the right people, people that Dean
liked. It was too easy to hurt Castiel. He’d always been too forgiving, too willing to give people

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