Sunday Sport 2015-01-04.pdf

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SUNDAY
January 4, 2015
£1
(on sale until Tuesday, January 6, 2015)
Sophie
Reade
bares
ALL!
Zoe Stollery
blows
hot
SEE
PAGE
6
DWARF EATS
OWN WEIGHT
IN SPROUTS
AT THE DARTS
FULL STORY
– PAGE 17
2
January 4, 2015
Duke ‘must
fight back’
at sex claim
PRINCE Andrew is
being urged to fight
back with “every ounce
of energy” against
allegations made in
U.S. court documents
by a woman who claimed
she was forced to have
sex with him while she
was still a minor.
Harvard law professor
Alan Dershowitz – who
is also named in the
court papers – said the
claims against him
were part of a pattern
of “made-up stories” by
the woman and her
lawyers against
prominent people.
He told the BBC
Radio 4
Today
show:
“You cannot allow these
allegations to hang
above you. The first
question you have to
ask yourself when you
are charged with a
crime like this is ‘Is
there any conceivable
possibility you did it?’
and if the answer to
that is ‘no’, you have to
fight back with every
resource and ounce of
energy available to you.”
Buckingham Palace
took the unusual step
of releasing a strongly-
worded statement
categorically denying
any impropriety by
the Duke of York with
underage minors.
The woman’s claim is
part of a lawsuit in
connection with U.S.
billionaire and convicted
paedophile Jeffrey
Epstein, a former
friend of the Duke.
ED’S GOT HIS
KNOCKERS!
Labour boss blasted
by MP’s busty missus
AN MP’s wife who blasted
her
husband’s
Labour
bosses has released a new
set of busty selfies.
Karen Danczuk, 31, said the
party had been “hijacked by
middle class do-gooders and
career politicians”.
She added on Twitter that
they have “no idea what it’s
like to be working class”.
The tirade by Karen – a
councillor in Rochdale where
she is wed to the town’s MP
Simon Danczuk, 48 – was seen
as a swipe at Ed Miliband.
Top political commentator
Guido Fawkes blogged: “Karen
Danczuk kindly took a few
moments out from her holiday
in Spain to send Guido these
exclusive snaps from the pool,
revealing her New Year’s
resolutions are to ‘take on new
challenges, live each day like
it’s my last and to continue my
weight loss’.”
A Labour insider said:
“Ed Miliband can’t
handle a bacon butty
– he’d probably
start to cry if he
was asked to
handle Mrs
Danczuk’s
h u g e
tits!”
HUNDREDS MOURN
BIN LORRY VICTIMS
159
A FUNERAL service for three
members of the same family
who were killed in the Glasgow
bin lorry crash heard how their
loved ones have suffered
“tragedy on tragedy, sadness
on sadness”.
By NEIL GOODWIN
neil@sundaysport.co.uk
9
8
Aberdeen
8
Edinburgh
Glasgow
LAST
JOURNEY:
Tragic
family’s
coffins at
service
The three, all from Dumbarton,
were on a Christmas shopping trip
when an out-of-control refuse vehicle
ploughed into pedestrians in Glasgow
city centre three days before Christmas.
Up to 1,000 mourners joined
together to pay a final tribute to
teenager Erin McQuade and her
grandparents Jack Sweeney, 68,
and Lorraine Sweeney, 69.
9
10
Belfast
Newcastle
8
TODAY’S WEATHER
THREE-DAY WEATHER OUTLOOK
TUES:
Grey
WED:
Grim
THURS:
Gloomy
A COLD and crisp start
to Sunday with any fog
gradually clearing. A
Liverpool
mostly fine day follows,
8
although feeling cold in
Manchester
the strengthening
Norwich
breeze.
8
Birmingham
9
Western
parts
turning cloudier
Cardiff
9
with some rain by
Bristol
dusk. Reaching
4C in London, 7C in
London
10
Cardiff,
3C
in
8
Plymouth
Manchester, 6C in
Belfast, 4C up in
Edinburgh.
11
Cloudy with rain in
Leeds
8
GOT A STORY?
places, and also breezy
Monday, although some
brighter spells.
Highs of 10C in
London, Cardiff and
Belfast, around 8C in
Manchester, 9C in
Edinburgh.
OUTLOOK: Cloudy.
Then call our
newsdesk on:
0800 4725407 or email
neil@sundaysport.co.uk
WE PAY CASH
Jacqueline McQuade is thought to
have gone to withdraw money from a
cash machine when her 18-year-old
daughter and parents were fatally
injured.
Some 700 people packed in to St
Patrick’s RC Church in Dumbarton
for a joint requiem mass for the
teenager and her grandparents, with
hundreds more mourners outside.
Erin’s brothers Liam, 15, and Aiden,
14, and sister Niamh, six, were all at
the service, with their mum Jacqueline,
43, and father Matthew, 49.
Six people were killed and 10 more
injured after the lorry
careered out of control
in the city’s Queen
Street on December 22
The private church
service was led by the
Archbishop of Glasgow,
who previously told a
memorial mass that he
wept with the woman
who saw her teenage
daughter
and
both
parents die almost in
front of her.
Yesterday he told how
the accident had piled
“tragedy on tragedy and
sadness on sadness” on
the family, but added:
“They died as they lived
– together.”
Investigations
into
the crash continue.
January 4, 2015
3
Jodie: I use
my sex face
for selfies!
BUSTY beauty Jodie
Marsh has revealed her
guide to posing for
saucy SELFIES!
The top-heavy 30E
lovely urges women to
do a ‘sex face’ and push
their boobs together if
they want to go down a
storm on Twitter and
Instagram.
Jodie, who is no
stranger to uploading
snaps of her jaw-
dropping cleavage,
said: “The key to a good
selfie is to make a sex
face. And you have to
do something with your
hands, push your boobs
together, otherwise you
just look weird!”
Jodie recently shared
snaps of her posing
with a hunky bloke as
part of her JST Jodie
fitness equipment
enterprise.
And the 36-year-old,
who has been celibate
for four years, says she
struggled to suppress
her natural urges.
She added: “It was
difficult – it did turn
me on.
“For a lot of the naked
shots he wore a sock over
his cock. I didn’t want
his penis touching me!
“I’ll only bring the
celibacy to an end
when I fall in love.”
Millie’s pole
plan to give
Prof pleasure
FORMER
Made In Chelsea
star Millie Mackintosh
has revealed she’s keen
to take up pole-dancing.
The posh babe wants to
get her already slim figure
looking even hotter.
Unsurprisingly, Millie
reckons her hubby, rapper
Professor Green, will love
the idea.
Millie (above), 25,
confessed: “I’m going to
take up pole-dancing next
year – for strictly fitness
purposes only!”
And she says her
31-year-old other half,
whose real name is
Stephen Manderson, is
chuffed.
She added: “Stephen
will be fine with it as long
as I have lessons in a
studio and not in a strip
club!
“He’ll not be pleased if
I attach a pole to the
ceiling so I can practise
at home – so I’ll definitely
not be doing that.”
Age 25, 32DD-24-35, from Basildon
Porchia Watson
4
January 4, 2015
HE TAKES
ALL THE
WEEK’S
NEWS &
PULLS ITS
PANTS
DOWN
MONDAY
A PILOT successfully
lands a jumbo jet at
Gatwick despite a
problem with its landing
gear.
He did a cracking
job. I’ve not seen a
knackered old Virgin
handled with such grace
since Anton du Beke spun Ann Widdecombe around
the dance floor on
Strictly.
UP YOURS,
Killjoy Spaniards BAN Magaluf fun
BARE boobs bouncing in
the street, live sex shows
and enough grog to make
a pirate go to Alcoholics
Anonymous.
These are just a few of the
reasons why a million Brits
flock to the Majorcan party
mecca Magaluf every year,
seeking sun, sex and saucy
shenanigans.
By NEIL GOODWIN
neil@sundaysport.co.uk
TUESDAY
GANGS of eastern Europeans are using budget
airlines to fly into the UK to commit crime sprees
before flying out again – says a top police chief.
These scumbags
deserve to be locked up
in degrading inhuman
conditions, patrolled by
merciless guards and
deprived of decent food,
water and sleep.
The trouble is, after
flying Ryanair they won’t notice the difference.
But all that’s about to be
BANNED under a brutal new
clampdown by snooty Spanish
officials. If you want fun, you’ll
have to travel elsewhere.
Authorities in the Calvia
municipality want our beach-
bonking paradise to be turned
into a “mature tourist zone” for
more refined clients.
Barf-drenched bar crawls will
be replaced by blue-rinsed
OAPs taking a relaxing sunset
stroll down the promenade.
Bars and clubs that once
featured wet T-shirt parties
and paddling pool wrestling
will be forced to shut their
doors at midnight.
Anyone caught drinking in
the street will be behind bars.
Meanwhile, Spain’s Civil Guard
– a no-nonsense military force
charged with cop duties – will be
on hand to round up fun-lovers.
Deputy mayor Álvaro Gijón
moaned: “We said to ourselves,
‘We don’t want this kind of
tourist any more’.
“It wouldn’t occur to us to go
to Piccadilly Circus and start
singing in our swimsuits with
50 of our friends while drinking
cheap alcohol out of a bucket.”
Minge
If Magaluf does turn its back
on the UK’s wild holidaymakers,
they will be missing out on a
whopping £650million a YEAR
in revenue.
It comes after two incidents
in 2014 left the world stunned.
A video released online showed
an 18-year-old Irish girl giving
BLOWJOBS to 24 men in order
to win a bottle of £4 wine.
Another vid showed a couple
enjoying doggystyle sex in
the street in broad daylight
WEDNESDAY
NEW Year’s Eve sees thousands pack the streets
of central London for a firework
display.
They even paid for their
tickets, the mugs.
In any other city, we’d just
look up and watched them for
free. Unfortunately, Londoners
can’t do that just in case they
accidentally make eye contact
with a stranger.
THURSDAY
SCOTTISH Police are
criticised for investigating
Katie Hopkins, a columnist in
a downmarket newspaper, for
making jokes about the
Glaswegian nurse who caught
Ebola.
What a nasty cow. It’s
alright for her – she knows
that even the Ebola virus
would reject her.
FRIDAY
LIVERPOOL and England
footie icon Steven
Gerrard reveals he will
go to MLS at the end of
the season.
On his wages, you’d
think he could afford to
just buy the sofa right
now.
People say football
will lack role models
without Gerrard but at
least the sport still has plenty of roll models. They
can roll joints, roll around the pitch after the
slightest contact and roll over a barely conscious
woman when it is their turn for a go.
SATURDAY
BUCKINGHAM Palace denies
allegations that Prince
Andrew had sex with an
American teenage girl who
was below the age of consent
in her home state.
I agree. The chances of an
upstanding British royal
feeling up a minor are about
the same as one feeling for a
miner. Nil.
January 4, 2015
5
SEÑORS!
YOU’RE BARRED!
Balearic bureaucrats
want the Brits out
behind parked cars. The saucy
footage climaxed with the
chap romantically handing
his conquest a tissue before
she wiped his man-muck from
her minge.
Spain has a long history of
putting the mockers on fun. In
1952, the Spanish dictator
Franco banned LAUGHING
during working hours.
THIS LOT
WANT TO STOP THIS
STOKE defender Robert
Huth has been forced
to apologise for playing
a game called COCK OR
NO COCK on Twitter.
The always-up-for-a-
laugh FA is investigating
after Huth responded
to the Twitter account
which posts sexual
images of individuals.
The account invites
users of the social media
site to guess from
cropped photographs of
people in XXX-rated
poses whether those
pictured have male or
female genitalia.
A series of tweets
posted from Huth’s
official account showed
the 30-year-old German
playing the game
(below).
Stoke’s Huth
drops bollock
with trannies
Huth posted a
message saying: “Clearly
no offence was meant
or directed to anyone,
but apologies if I’ve
offended anyone”.
He had already
received criticism from
tranny activists.
One Twitter user, @
queenthingy, griped: ‘’It
is clear that @stokecity
cannot allow @robert_
huth to continue his
transphobic adventures.
Club being put into
disrepute.’’
Another, @infurious-
beauty, tromboned:
‘’People might want to
consider asking @stoke-
city football club why
their player @robert_
huth thinks it’s okay to
bully trans people
online.’’
I WENT to buy a
Christmas tree. The
guy said, “Are you
going to put it up
yourself?” I said, “No,
I was thinking in the
living room
– Gary Delaney
SAYS…
Magaluf and
G
OINGistoas muchonritebeing
horrifically sick
your new
trainers
a
of
passage as getting your driving
licence or fingering your first bird
behind the bike shed.
What these stuffy lawmakers are
doing is trying to erase an entire
way of life – albeit a booze-soaked,
hangover-laden one.
You can launch a crackdown all
you want, but you won’t change
human nature. Those who seek
sun, sex and sand will simply ditch
Majorca and head somewhere else
instead, jetting to up-and-coming
party destinations like Croatia and
Bulgaria.
And when Magaluf’s bars and
restaurants start closing because
the paying tourists have turned
tail, they’ll be welcoming back our
loveable drunks, and bulging
wallets, with open arms.
Wee problem
for 999 callers
POLICE in Devon and
Cornwall have begged the
public to ‘think carefully’
before dialling 999 this
year after one caller
asked ‘Is it illegal to pee
in my garden if I am being
watched by a spy drone?’
Another daft caller asked
for help to recapture an
escaped budgie and one
man told police there was
a hedgehog in his garden
and he was ‘a bit scared’.
Chief Supt Nye said
“Clearly none of these are
police matters.”

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