mens-from-mars-and-women-from-venus.pdf

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Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
John Gray
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Content
Introduction.......................................................................................................................................... 6
Chapter 1 Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus..........................................................................11
REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES................................................................................................11
AN OVERVIEW OF OUR DIFFERENCES............................................................................................12
GOOD INTENTIONS ARE NOT ENOUGH..........................................................................................13
Chapter 2 Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee..................................................................15
LIFE ON MARS.............................................................................................................................. 15
LIFE ON VENUS.............................................................................................................................17
GIVE UP GIVING ADVICE............................................................................................................... 18
LEARNING TO LISTEN................................................................................................................... 19
IN DEFENSE OF MR. FIX-IT AND THE HOME-IMPROVEMENT COMMITTEE........................................21
WHEN A WOMAN RESISTS A MAN'S SOLUTIONS............................................................................ 21
WHEN A MAN RESISTS THE HOME-IMPROVEMENT COMMITTEE......................................................23
Chapter 3 Men Go to Their Caves and Women Talk................................................................................25
COPING WITH STRESS ON MARS AND VENUS................................................................................ 25
FINDING RELIEF IN THE CAVE.......................................................................................................26
FINDING RELIEF THROUGH TALKING.............................................................................................29
HOW THE MARTIANS AND VENUSIANS FOUND PEACE....................................................................31
Chapter 4 How to Motivate the Opposite Sex......................................................................................... 34
WHEN A MAN LOVES A WOMAN.....................................................................................................35
WHEN A WOMAN LOVES A MAN.....................................................................................................37
SETTING AND RESPECTING LIMITS............................................................................................... 39
LEARNING TO RECEIVE................................................................................................................. 41
LEARNING TO GIVE.......................................................................................................................43
Chapter 5 Speaking Different Languages............................................................................................... 45
EXPRESSING FEELINGS VERSUS EXPRESSING INFORMATION......................................................... 45
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WHEN VENUSIANS TALK............................................................................................................... 46
WHEN MARTIANS DON'T TALK...................................................................................................... 49
WHEN MARTIANS DO TALK........................................................................................................... 53
WHAT TO DO WHEN HE GOES INTO HIS CAVE...............................................................................55
HOW TO COMMUNICATE SUPPORT TO A MARTIAN........................................................................ 57
MAKING LITTLE CHANGES.............................................................................................................60
HOW TO COMMUNICATE WITHOUT BLAME....................................................................................60
Chapter 6 Men Are Like Rubber Bands.................................................................................................. 65
WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN....................................................................... 65
HOW WOMEN MISINTERPRET MEN................................................................................................68
WHEN TO TALK WITH A MAN........................................................................................................ 69
NOW TO GET A MAN TO TALK....................................................................................................... 70
WHEN A MAN WON'T TALK............................................................................................................71
WHEN A MAN DOESN'T PULL AWAY............................................................................................... 73
OBSTRUCTING THE INTIMACY CYCLE............................................................................................ 75
HOW A MAN'S PAST MAY AFFECT HIS INTIMACY CYCLE................................................................. 76
WISE MEN AND WOMEN................................................................................................................77
Chapter 7 Women Are Like Waves........................................................................................................ 79
HOW MEN REACT TO THE WAVE................................................................................................... 79
RECURRING CONVERSATIONS AND ARGUMENTS........................................................................... 81
UNDERSTANDING NEEDINESS....................................................................................................... 83
WHEN A WOMAN DOESN'T FEEL SAFE IN HER WELL...................................................................... 84
WHEN SHE'S IN THE WELL AND HE'S IN THE CAVE........................................................................ 85
RESOLVING CONFLICTS THROUGH UNDERSTANDING.................................................................... 87
HOW MONEY CAN CREATE PROBLEMS........................................................................................... 90
FEELINGS ARE IMPORTANT........................................................................................................... 91
Chapter 8 Discovering Our Different Emotional Needs............................................................................ 92
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THE TWELVE KINDS OF LOVE........................................................................................................92
THE KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR.................................................................................................. 96
NOW YOU MAY BE UNKNOWINGLY TURNING OFF YOUR PARTNER................................................. 97
WHEN LOVE FAILS........................................................................................................................ 99
LEARNING TO LISTEN WITHOUT GETTING ANGRY....................................................................... 100
THE ART OF EMPOWERING A MAN...............................................................................................101
Chapter 9 How to Avoid Arguments.....................................................................................................105
WHAT HAPPENS WHEN WE ARGUE.............................................................................................. 105
WHY ARGUMENTS HURT............................................................................................................. 106
THE FOUR STANCES FOR AVOIDING HURT.................................................................................. 107
WHY WE ARGUE..........................................................................................................................109
THE ANATOMY OF AN ARGUMENT............................................................................................... 110
HOW TO EXPRESS YOUR DIFFERENCES WITHOUT ARGUING........................................................ 115
GIVING SUPPORT AT DIFFICULT TIMES....................................................................................... 120
AVOIDING ARGUMENTS THROUGH LOVING COMMUNICATION..................................................... 121
Chapter 10 Scoring Points with the Opposite Sex................................................................................. 122
LITTLE THINGS MAKE A BIG DIFFERENCE.................................................................................... 123
THE MAGIC OF DOING LITTLE THINGS........................................................................................ 128
REDIRECTING ENERGY AND ATTENTION..................................................................................... 129
WHEN WOMEN GIVE POINTS.......................................................................................................130
HEALING THE RESENTMENT FLU................................................................................................. 131
WHY MEN GIVE LESS.................................................................................................................. 132
HOW MEN GIVE POINTS..............................................................................................................137
WHAT MAKES MEN DEFENSIVE.................................................................................................... 140
WHEN MEN GIVE PENALTY POINTS..............................................................................................140
REMEMBERING OUR DIFFERENCES.............................................................................................. 141
Chapter 11 How to Communicate Difficult Feelings...............................................................................142
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THE LOVE LETTER TECHNIQUE....................................................................................................143
MAKING IT SAFE FOR LOVE LETTERS...........................................................................................154
MINI LOVE LETTERS....................................................................................................................155
WHEN TO WRITE LOVE LETTERS................................................................................................. 156
WHY WE NEED TO WRITE LOVE LETTERS.................................................................................... 156
TELLING THE COMPLETE TRUTH................................................................................................. 159
HEALING NEGATIVE FEELINGS.................................................................................................... 162
SECRETS OF SELF-HELP.............................................................................................................. 163
Chapter 12 How to Ask for Support and Get It..................................................................................... 168
WHY WOMEN DON'T ASK............................................................................................................ 168
STEP I: ASKING CORRECTLY FOR WHAT YOU ARE ALREADY GETTING.......................................... 169
STEP 2: PRACTICE ASKING FOR MORE (EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW HE MAY SAY NO)........................178
STEP 3: PRACTICE ASSERTIVE ASKING........................................................................................ 181
WHY MEN ARE SO SENSITIVE......................................................................................................185
Chapter 13 Keeping the Magic of Love Alive.........................................................................................186
THE 90/10 PRINCIPLE................................................................................................................. 188
YOU ARE NEVER UPSET FOR THE REASON YOU THINK.................................................................190
THE DELAYED REACTION RESPONSE........................................................................................... 191
WHY HEALTHY PEOPLE MAY NEED COUNSELING..........................................................................192
THE SEASONS OF LOVE...............................................................................................................193
SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS..................................................................................................... 194
Acknowledgement..............................................................................................................................197
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